I have a January birthday. A lot of people make New Year’s resolutions or come up with plans for how to better themselves at the start of the new calendar year, but I wait until half way into the month to do that. Each year as my birthday approaches, I begin to reflect on my life: where I am in terms of all of the “big” things: relationships (friendships and romantic), career, accomplishments, etc. I thoughtfully examine whether or not I have progressed or regressed from last year at this time. Am I where I think I should be? These questions inevitably make me wonder, “How did I end up here?”
Do you ever wonder how you ended up where you are? I am constantly amazed, not only at where I am but how it is nothing like what I expected it to be. When I say this out loud, people will ask me what I expected. I’m never quite sure. I only know that this current situation was not it. Sometimes this is a positive. Most of the time it is perplexing.
This year, my birthday reflection is proving to be particularly difficult as I find myself surrounded by an increasing number of negatives, especially related to health and career. I am dealing with what I have often referred to as the consequences of someone else’s choices. In other words, my actions did not prompt the series of events that led to where I am, but I must still deal with the consequences that result from the choices that were made. There is not a lot that feels good about that.
Yet, as I look at all of the challenges that I am facing, I find it difficult to stay focused on the negative. Instead my thoughts drift to some of the positive things that I did not expect – the co-worker who has consistently kept in touch and reached out with empathy and concern; the childhood friend who hasn’t missed a week of calling or texting to let me know that I am still an important part of her life. Maybe that is why being amazed at where I am is a good thing – I would never have expected the grace and generosity and kindness that I have received from others. The fact that I was not expecting it, makes it even more of a blessing. It also gives me a sense of hope that tomorrow will be better than today.
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