“Good Morning God! Thank you for all of the good things in my life. Help me to recognize and be grateful for your generous gifts. Allow me to feel your presence and turn to you if there are parts of today that seem overwhelming. Thank you for loving me!”
I try to pray some version of this prayer everyday. Some days, like today, I pray with a light and hopeful heart. Other days, the darker days, my prayer gets shortened to “Dear God, please HELP!!!!” Whatever my mood, whatever the situation, God is my constant conversation partner. There is something both soothing and strengthening about my never-ending conversation with God.
I have a lot for which to be grateful. Although my brain was damages as a result of THE ACCIDENT, I am still able to be creative and compassionate. I can still process information and think through challenging situations. It is simply different than before – harder and more of a struggle. The important parts of who I am are still intact. The way I am me has changed, but that does not mitigate the fact that I am still me. That is a gift from God.
If I am honest, not all of my prayers express gratitude. Many of them express anger – anger at the challenges, anger at the situation and even anger at God. I do not believe that God caused the pain and suffering and chaos in my life. That would make God cruel and vindictive. I believe in and have a relationship with a God who is all good. If God is god, then God has not caused, but instead has allowed all of this to happen to me. Sometimes that makes me very angry. So I talk to God about my anger. Sometimes I talk to God in a loud, accusatory voice. God can handle my anger. God is an appropriate conversation partner for anger. I don’t believe that my conversations with God should only be about the good and positive things in my life.
God calls us to be in a relationship. Healthy relationships involve communicating all of our emotions. Healthy relationships also involve give and take. Prayer is not just about me talking to God, but also about God talking to me. Watching and listening for God in my life is not always easy. It often feels like I do not recognize God’s voice in our conversation in real-time. My recognition often comes upon reflection.
I don’t know how I would be able to get through each day without God’s presence in my life. It is my relationship with God that gives me hope, strength and courage. Our constant conversation guides, sustains and nurtures every aspect of my life.
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