The other day I was driving. I found myself looking at the fences – color, style, height … That saying “good fences make good neighbors” kept running through my head. Do they? When I was growing up the fences were about three feet high. They were chain link, making them easy to climb (well, not for me, I was a bookworm, not a fence climber) and easy to have conversations over. I knew my neighbors. We waved and said hello, often exchanging a few words or sometimes engaging in lengthy conversations. It makes me smile just thinking about those days.
When did the fences change? When did we go from “open” fences that really just defined a boundary, to six-foot tall wooden structures that create a wall? Not a boundary, but a barrier. When and why did that happen? I don’t have an answer to either. It does make me wonder if those tall; solid “closed” fences are a reflection of “mine”. (Mine = the idea that I need to protect, possibly hide, what belongs to me.) Have we closed ourselves off? How many conversations among neighbors actually happen are missed because our fences are now barriers? How do you get to know people, if you are walled off from their stories? Instead of saying that Gary and his family live in the house next door, suddenly it is just the green house next door. That is a big difference in perception.
It is possible that I am projecting my feelings. Since THE ACCIDENT my world has become so much smaller. In many ways, it feels similar to the houses with the six-foot tall fences. It is filled with barriers that separate me from people. These limitations that I live with are mine. I often avoid talking about them because of the rejection I experience when others hear about the limitations. It is one more type of pain with which to grapple. It often feels like I am surrounded by barriers that keep the rest of the world out. I need to be better at understanding boundaries and avoiding barriers. I also need to be better at making sure that I am creating “open fences”.
I miss the fences of my childhood. Those fences connected us. They brought a sense of community and togetherness.
#boundaries #fences #lifelessons #expectations #choices #consequences #pain #challenges #hope #SenseOfHope #TBI #resilience #faith #neighbors
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